VICTORY!

Here's a nice shot of me heroically leading my all-glorious legions over the border into Scotland. They never knew what hit 'em! Total victory was swift and overwhelming! I am, unfortunately, consumed right now with catching up on governmental tasks which awaited my return. Even the best regency councils cannot keep up with the workload of an all-conquering global despot. And there's the matter of setting the TV license fee for Scotland. Tricky since they're on HD; have to charge them more, ya know. Details of the conquest will follow in a few days. Meanwhile, break out the champagne and ale! New territory has been annexed to our realms and your beloved despot has returned!

One if by land, two if by sea...

Here, our All-Capybara Amphibious Assault Battalion trains squirrel-monkeys (a primate clever enough to give itself a rodentine identity) for assault on Scottish coastal fortifications. Victory is assured!

-- Your All-Conquering and Ever-Victorious Despot

We interrupt this victory for an important message!

As many of you already know, Our Beloved & Right-Trusty Mr. Squirrel (http://hopfodder.blogspot.com/), Supreme Arch-Prefect for Brewing Affairs & Inspector-in-Chief of Ales, Arch-Provost of Spirits, First Secretary and Deputy General to the Minister of Automotive Affairs, and Chair of the Imperial Hamster Nut Conservation Directorate, and his Lovely and Beauteous wife, The Squirrelina, are expecting.

Who me ????

We rejoice at this splendid news, especially after the heroic service done by Our Squirrel in leading our distillery commando brigades in the recent conquest of Scotland. We were, of course, a little concerned when he went MIA for a couple weeks right after he assaulted his first target, so it's good to know he came out of battle in fine fettle! (Bet you didn't know squirrels had fettles!)

Yes, I can see it all a few short years from now. . .This also might come in handy: http://www.squirrel-rehab.org/faq.html.

The Road to Conquest - Part 3

The Fruits of Victory

Here I am holding captured enemy standards after our illustrious triumph on the battlefield. Note I possess the royal banner of the Scottish king, personally taken from him in daring-do, mano-a-mano, and all that.

For me, the funnest part of conquest is, of course, the plunder. All sorts of goodies I get to have - cheap! The King of Scotland, poor chap, had all sorts of neat stuff, all of which now is mine all mine:

First and foremost, of course, were the pretty baubles. I just love pretty baubles! Here I'm overseeing the crating up of the Scottish crown jewels before they're schlepped off to the HamsterPalace.Speaking of palaces, here I am in front of my latest acquisition, thanks to the King of Scotland - tee hee hee!The place has nice gardens too! For Kel's delectation, I'll devote an entire post to the lovely new plantings I inherited. Ooooo! Picnics!Of course, like any conscientious tyrant, I make sure I share the booty with my loyal troops!
As I went by in my triumphant progress back south after the conquest, the good people of Oxford gave a gala concert in my honor.
Of course, the bloated and corrupt Scottish aristocracy was still far from pleased at the turn of events...

Wicked I

of the House of Hamster
King of Scotland
& Lord of The Isles

Forward.... March!

Let's see... Have to make sure I've got everything before I leave....

Portable throne - check
Imperial minions & bureaucrats to impose regulations, taxes, and otherwise bring civilization - check
Fish tacos - check
Selection of fine ales - check
Tasty little hamster treats - check
Custard tarts - pick up on march through England
Map to distilleries -check
Invitations to victory brunch - pick up at Kinko's on the way out; mail once we get there
oh yes...
Invincible rodent army - watch some twit forget to bring the invincible rodent army; I hate when that happens!