Happy Hamster Holidays - part 3

The Legend of The Christmas Duck...

Whilst visiting lovely Winter Park, Fla, who should we run into about to have lunch at a fashionable bistro on Park Ave. than that icon of Slovak folklore, Christmas Duck, with his loyal and devoted companion, Mario.

For those of you unfamiliar with the legend, every year on Christmas Eve, The Christmas Duck rises out of the Sacred Lake at the shrine of Our Lady of Levocha and flies through the air around the world to bring oplatki (a thin wafer bread, like a communion wafer, used at Christmas meals) to all the Slovaks who have been good the past year, and have whole-life policies with the Zenska Jednota (First Catholic Slovak Ladies Association: http://www.fcsla.com/index.shtml). Since this is such a demanding task, CD rests up a bit before the big night. He and Mario have a nice condo on Sanibel, and the two were on Park Ave. to do some last-minute shopping.

We hung out in the park for a while, admiring some of the newly-installed sculptures:

Then went off to the beach:


You never know what celebrities you might meet when you travel to fashionable locales. Last time we were in Winter Park, we ran into Carrot-Top on the sidewalk. Woo-hoo!

Happy Hamster Holidays - part 2

We were off on a little jaunt, crossing the Indian River, when we saw this sport I had not witnessed before: kite-boarding, I believe. Having my new nifty little camera with me (we left the caviar dish at home) I wanted to try it out for dramatic shots. We hope you will enjoy...

Happy Hamster Holidays - part 1

Greetings all! Your beloved despot and ruler of the cosmos is back from a little R&R in Florida. Time to fill you in on the sovereign, tyrannical goings-on. Let us begin with presents... Hamster just LOVES presents! Let it be known that he also gives as graciously as he receives. The rewards for devotion and loyalty to Our Most Rodentine Person can be sumptuous. DG received this:

It's a lovely little crystal caviar dish with mother-of-pearl spoon from Fabergé. After the fall of the Tsar, he was on the market, so we brought him to the Imperial Hamster Court. He does nice stuff, note the sturgeon engraved on the side. (But now I've got as house full of Easter eggs and I'm running out of closet space. Sheesh! Enough with the eggs already; how about a nice candy dish?)

The photos were taken with DG's gift to me, my first digital camera. (If you thought my posts were weird before...)

We did presents before leaving for Florida, so the next posts will be from the trip, wherein we will speak more of DG, as well as TR and the special guest we encountered whilst in the sunny climes. Stay tuned...

WARMTH & CHEER

A Despotic Christmas to all,

and to all a good night!Have a Joyous and Blessed Holiday Season
(or else... this wish will be enforced by my tank-corps!)

-- by Decree of The Hamster

Some people...

look very good in tights!

For Meritt:

One "boy crown," comin' up!

Worn thusly:

I always just LOVED Christmas Crown Day!

Christmas crowns!

In our realms, all the teachers dress up for Christmas Crown Day -- by my decree, of course.

(For context see http://www.explainingcomplaints.blogspot.com/)

News from Bert!

I thought I'd check in on our London friends to make sure their silence was not an indication of having gone out for sushi recently. Happily all is well! Bert wanted me to let everyone know that he is fine and just plain busy. To wit:

"I have a lot of paperwork and 5 year olds in my life. Less than 3 weeks to my coursework first deadline."

That explains it. Nothing much here - said the man whose daily commute consists of walking upstairs.

Despotic Cheers to All!

Blogger Beta

NB: I have now migrated to Blogger Beta. Nothing has blown up in my face yet. Hopefully not in yours either.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

And for our European viewers out there, quit goofing off and get back to work!!!

-- by decree of The Hamster

More Hamster Management Secrets!

Brilliant! And in time for holiday gifts for those business rodents in your life!

http://www.despair.com

Mini Me

You will notice that I have a new apprentice, whom I have dubbed "littlewicked." If you click on his cute little hanster body, he will get some exercise on his wheel. Click again and he will stop and hop off. Click on "More" in the corner, and a luscious strawberry will pop up. Click on it and move it towards him. If you get it to the skittish little critter's mouth (he's new and a bit nervous on the job) and click, he'll take a bite. He just loves berries! We wish him well!

Hamster Management Secrets

In light of the recent American elections (which resulted in the installation of a Hamster-friendly regime; coincidence? I think not!) I thought I'd speak a bit about staying in power. A number of things keep your successful global despot on top. One is, of course, irresistible cuteness. But you can't just stop at good looks, ya know. It's also important to keep abreast of the latest management techniques. I've long been a fan of the classics "Who Moved My Cheese," which came out of the Business School at M.I.T. (the Mouse Institute of Technology). Solid rodent thinking, that one! I am now reading, through the kind offices of DG, the latest out of Harvard's School of Advanced Penguinity, "Our Iceberg Is Melting." The flightless aquatic avian approach to systems and management is no less thought-provoking. I recommend both to all you aspiring tyrants out there!

The Elections: A Global Despot's Perspective

Once again, the Americans are in political season, and the scurrilous, muddy mess is once again showing democracy for the false god it is. Hence the opportunity presents itself for me to say a few words about the benefits of Hamster Cosmic Government. First of all, it is tasteful and polite. Invoking one of my many role models, Louis XIV, elegance, gentility, and grandeur should be the hallmarks of any regime worth its proverbial salt. The ruled must look up to and be inspired by the ruler who, set apart, can bind the anarchic mob together with awe and majesty and give them what they cannot give themselves: La gloire. The people also want order, stability, and reason in their lives. This is not to be attained by setting forth on the stormy waters of partisan politics, believing in an ideal that sadly leads only to demagoguery. No. The rule of one benign domesticated rodent, who exalted above mere politics can, with reasoned and measured paw, look to the proper interests of all, rewarding the worthy, punishing the delinquent, meting out to all their due whether it be honor or chastisement, is clearly a superior form of government. The poet was most wise in saying: "Let there be one ruler, one king." It is this that we offer a disturbed world. Freed from the shackles of false ideology and the burdens of self-government, humanity may advance in peace and tranquility, with order and justice, under a rule that offers the best of all possible worlds. Submit to The Hamster, and be truly happy and free.

Because he'd likely appreciate it...

a photo by DG, looking down at the stairway in the Contemporary Arts Center in Cincinnati. One of the coolest buildings I've ever seen: http://www.contemporaryartscenter.org/aboutus/thebuilding.html

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SOMEONE!!!

Fun with Hamsters!

Thought I might post a couple of pics from last weekend's HamsterFest, so that you may better understand from what greatness I am spawned.

Here we have two hamster cousins welcoming traveling flightless fowl to the festivities. TR was most touched by the simple warmth and kindness of all the fine folk.

Here we have one of the great, beloved, and venerated hamster matriarchs, posing gleefully with her favorite nephew. In the background you see the vehicle used for the traditional "hayride," which involves tearing through wooded trails at breakneck speed with an ATV pulling a flimsy wagon. Rule #1: When someone yells "Duck!" take it seriously. Good times... Good times...

At nightfall, a large bonfire is built and all the hamsters sit around in a circle, reminiscing and talking about how great it is to be a hamster from Cleveland. Everyone ends up with a face that looks sunburnt. It's really quite the bonfire. Weenies and marshmallows are roasted, but most of them simply burst into flames and fall off or evaporate. Uncle Johnnie's anti-freeze throws off the visual acuity a bit. Oh yes, then comes the NIGHTTIME hayrides. We lose more cousins that way...

It's Soup!

Persons of delicate dispositions and those
who object to the eating of animals in general or
of reptiles in particular should not read this posting.

Last weekend, DG, TR and I went up to, believe it or not, AKRON* (how the heck did Sq know that?!?!?!) to a cousin's place for my extended family's annual turtle soup picnic. Now, I happen to come from a long and illustrious line of great white turtle hunters. No doubt this almost lost art strikes some as peculiar (especially with all the farm-raised turtles on the market these days) but my family takes it rather seriously -- or as seriously as my family takes anything. This event has been going on now for some 60 years or more and has now been taken over by my generation, as there are only three aunts and uncles left, and all of them are well into their 80's. Indeed, my next oldest brother has recently been bitten by the turtle-hunting bug -- and he just turned 60.

Of course, the reason why one could undertake this sport late in life, and the attraction of it to my uncles, etc. in the first place, is the nature of the hunt itself. If you think we're going to be thrashing around in Canadian swamps wrestling large-shelled reptiles, spouting fake Australian accents, and yelling "Crikey!" you've got another thing coming. Your average turtle expedition runs as follows.

Take large cooler of beer and get into boat. Go off to shallow part of lake; drink beer. Bait hooked line; drink beer. String line into water; drink beer (at this point, on an exceptionally cold day, a bourbon or Canadian chaser may be added to ward off the flu). Finish beer. Return to dock.

On the following day, take large cooler of beer and get into boat. Go off to shallow part of lake; drink beer. Pull up line and examine for turtles. Remove any caught. Celebrate catch with beer and , if the catch has been exceptionally good, a bourbon or Canadian chaser may be added to ward off the flu. Finish beer. Return to dock.

An alternative hunting method is to walk along the road and if one sees a turtle, stand on the turtle to prevent its escape and yell loudly, "Hey, I got one on the road; come help me!" Family members will then come rushing from the nearby cabin with a net, a cooler of beer, and, if it's a large turtle, a bottle of either bourbon or Canadian to ward off the flu.

This year was an exceptional picnic. Uncle Johnnie, the master soup-maker of the previous generation squared off against my cousin, who had his own recipe, and we had competing pots of soup. My brother actually provided Uncle Johnnie's turtle, which he discovered in a pond a short distance from his house. Being an avid sportsman, my brother always carries a net in his car and a cooler of beer. He seldom gets the flu and so doesn't bother with the whiskey. Since this is a public blog, I won't say whose soup l preferred. A great time was had by all, except for those, of course, who drank too much of Uncle Johnnie's home-made wine (see DG's comment on previous post; I warned him, I really did).

Photos from the event will be appearing on Travel Penguin shortly.


* For readers from northeastern Ohio, it is incumbent upon me to point out that my family and I are NOT from Akron. We are proper people from Cleveland. However, in recent years and thanks to urban sprawl, some members of the family have moved down into Summit County. Of course, for those of us who remember Akron as "the largest city in West Virginia," this move was at first somewhat distressing. With the influx of people from Cuyahoga County (and Asian businessmen there to buy up and manage what's left of the rubber and tire industry), the Akron area has become far more civilized and refined, and we have largely succeeded in smothering the indigenous culture so that one now barely knows notices any difference between the two regions.

Suspense!!!

As some may have noted, Woodchuck has some big news coming on Friday. We await with the proverbial bated breath... Speaking of bait, and not being one to shy away from a suspense duel, Your Humble and Tyrranical Hamster, DG, and TR will be having a little adventure this upcoming weekend which will be posted next week. I will give you only one hint:

That should keep you guessing...

For Squirrel

Oh please tell me you were expecting this one!

(For context, please see http://woodchuckwisdom.blogspot.com/ posting for Sunday, October 01, 2006, "Wild cow and Druish Deities," comment #12.)

Happy Birthday!

Our Minister of Travel, etc. and Chief Herring Inspector informs us that Tuesday, October 3rd is the birthday of a certain British-type person with a blog many of you know and love. Lest the momentous occasion pass without fitting commemoration, we present the luscious HamsterCake below to the person on question - with our best regards and wishes for man happy returns of the day! Have a most joyous birthday -- The Hamster Decrees It.