"Oh please, no need to stand and salute."Isn't he just the cutest little Imperial Majordomo and Arch-Chamberlain?
Lanfranc
Lanfranc
Any errors found in this blog are due to my unfamiliarity working in only three spatial dimensions.
27 February 2007
Majordomo
Since, as y'all well know, Our All-Glorious & Beloved Global Tyrant is nothing if not careful and thorough in his administration, I thought I'd introduce to you our immediate boss here at the residence, the Majordomo of the Imperial Hamster Palace and Arch-Chamberlain of Residential Livestock.
"Oh please, no need to stand and salute."
"Oh please, no need to stand and salute."
21 February 2007
Rumo(u)r has it...
that WH, DG, and TR are planning a little get-away this summer at a country cottage in the north of England, with Bert and Someone.
Now, I'm a city-platypus, so I'd be afraid I'd run out of things to do in the country. So I hope they find ways to amuse themselves.
Still, I can see the attraction of a few days of a simple, uncluttered life.
I'll keep you posted. The penguins can never keep their beaks shut when there's news afoot, so I hear it all.
Yours devotedly -- Lanfranc
Now, I'm a city-platypus, so I'd be afraid I'd run out of things to do in the country. So I hope they find ways to amuse themselves.
Still, I can see the attraction of a few days of a simple, uncluttered life.
I'll keep you posted. The penguins can never keep their beaks shut when there's news afoot, so I hear it all.Yours devotedly -- Lanfranc
20 February 2007
17 February 2007
A Fleecy Flock
Greetings once again nature lovers! Though penguins are, of course, extremely adorable creatures (they will hurt me if I don't say things like that), many consider our little flock of sheep here to be the cutest and cuddliest inhabitants of our happy, little dwelling -- next to WH, of course (he'll hurt me if I don't say things like that).
My fuzzy, fluffy companions here are (l to r): Max, SleepySheepy, Lambie, and Daisy. They are especially grateful for their cozy wool coats in the chilly temps we've been having. And for those of you who think we only have strange animals living in this house: See! a flock of perfectly normal sheep. They haven't even been to France!
Later - Lanfranc the P.
My fuzzy, fluffy companions here are (l to r): Max, SleepySheepy, Lambie, and Daisy. They are especially grateful for their cozy wool coats in the chilly temps we've been having. And for those of you who think we only have strange animals living in this house: See! a flock of perfectly normal sheep. They haven't even been to France!Later - Lanfranc the P.
12 February 2007
No matter how cynical you get...
you just can't keep up. -- Lily Tomlin
Exciting news, o aficionados of despair! The new 2007 "Demotivation" catalogue is out, with lots of viciously hysterical products that spoof corporate "motivational" drivel. Give up hope and get yours today at http://www.despair.com!
Exciting news, o aficionados of despair! The new 2007 "Demotivation" catalogue is out, with lots of viciously hysterical products that spoof corporate "motivational" drivel. Give up hope and get yours today at http://www.despair.com!
06 February 2007
Just when you thought...
this blog couldn't get any weirder, Platypus Productions is pleased to present:
Ice-Skating Cowboys!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkp9OXAVD88
-- Lanfranc
Ice-Skating Cowboys!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v
-- Lanfranc
04 February 2007
The Aviary: Chapter One of Many
Howdy once again, platypus fans! WH was so pleased with my last post, that he's letting me fill in for him a little while longer. Well... you knew it was coming. As you know, I live with an extraordinarily large number of penguins. Amazing, considering the vast majority of them live only in the southern hemisphere; the relatively few up here live either in zoos, theme parks, or WH & DG's living room.
Now, penguins, as everyone knows, are very special and extraordinary birds to begin with. I, however, have the privilege of living with some very special and extraordinary penguins. In the course of my stay as narrator of the Wicked Hamster Blog, I will introduce you to a few of them. Unlike wombats (I'm still working on Rodney) most penguins adore the spotlight - genetic high self-esteem being only one of their many virtues.
Let's start with George:
We found George just outside of DC, in Alexandria VA in fact, just a stone's throw from the Pentagon. I can't go into his work when he was there, since it remains classified. But like me, he too was tired of the DC rat-race, and when he heard about the luxury colony in Kentucky with so many avians of distinction, he jumped at the chance.
George is a big Harry Potter fan, so much so that he actually applied to the world-famous academy of penguin-wizardry, Frostwarts School, and graduated with honors. I got him to pose in his regalia, as you see. Isn't he striking in profile?
More to come!
-- Lanfranc the Platypus
Now, penguins, as everyone knows, are very special and extraordinary birds to begin with. I, however, have the privilege of living with some very special and extraordinary penguins. In the course of my stay as narrator of the Wicked Hamster Blog, I will introduce you to a few of them. Unlike wombats (I'm still working on Rodney) most penguins adore the spotlight - genetic high self-esteem being only one of their many virtues.
Let's start with George:
We found George just outside of DC, in Alexandria VA in fact, just a stone's throw from the Pentagon. I can't go into his work when he was there, since it remains classified. But like me, he too was tired of the DC rat-race, and when he heard about the luxury colony in Kentucky with so many avians of distinction, he jumped at the chance.George is a big Harry Potter fan, so much so that he actually applied to the world-famous academy of penguin-wizardry, Frostwarts School, and graduated with honors. I got him to pose in his regalia, as you see. Isn't he striking in profile?
More to come!-- Lanfranc the Platypus
30 January 2007
Presenting the Wombat
...almost.
Sorry it's been a while, but it took longer than expected to learn to handle the camera with webbed feet. Now that I've got the hang of it, I was going to introduce, as promised, my fellow-countryman, Rodney the Wombat. I mentioned he was shy...
but neglected to mention how expert wombats are at burrowing.
Try as I might, I couldn't persuade him to show his cute, little face to the camera. Well, I'll keep talking to him. In the meantime, I will endeavor to entertain you by introducing you to other friends and housemates in future posts.
Wishing you well! -- Lanfranc the Platypus
Sorry it's been a while, but it took longer than expected to learn to handle the camera with webbed feet. Now that I've got the hang of it, I was going to introduce, as promised, my fellow-countryman, Rodney the Wombat. I mentioned he was shy...
but neglected to mention how expert wombats are at burrowing.
Try as I might, I couldn't persuade him to show his cute, little face to the camera. Well, I'll keep talking to him. In the meantime, I will endeavor to entertain you by introducing you to other friends and housemates in future posts.
Wishing you well! -- Lanfranc the Platypus
19 January 2007
Chapter the Twelfth:
Wherein we meet our friend... the platypus.
"Howdy!"
Our Dread and Sovereign Lord, The Hamster, has been quite busy of late in his alter-ego as a mild-mannered Classics professor at a major state university. So he asked me to fill in and entertain y'all for a while.
As some of you likely know, the fetching residence of WH and DG is populated by more than just a flock of some 90 penguins. (There sure are a lot of 'em!) Other creatures of wit, talent, and distinction also live here. There is a small flock of sheep, a dodo (from England), about 6 puffins (which being cliff-dwelling birds, roost atop a tall bookcase), a wombat, and few other odds and ends here and there.
How, may you ask, did we all end up here? Well, as you know DG and WH (and TR of course) do a fair amount of travelling to interesting places. Because they are persons of quality, they often hang out where creatures of quality such as ourselves may be found. I was "discovered" working at a souvenir shop in Washington, D.C. - Natural History Museum to be exact. I wanted more excitement than I could get in my little burrow by the stream "Down Under," and I figured America's capital was where the action was. Turned out getting a job wasn't easy. Had trouble working for the feds since I was still an Australian citizen. D.C. was fun, but it can get pricey, and souvenir shop wages don't amount to much -- especially if you're the merchandise.
So when WH and DG came by and saw me, and commented to one another that I looked like "their kind of critter," and that they were in the market for a companion for their wombat, who was getting a little homesick, I immediately took them up on their offer to whisk me away to a life of ease and luxury (with an enormous number of penguins).
So here I am, and that's also how most of the rest of us got here. I'll have to introduce you to Rodney, the wombat, sometime soon. He's a little camera shy. Until next time, all the best!
-- Lanfranc the Platypus
As some of you likely know, the fetching residence of WH and DG is populated by more than just a flock of some 90 penguins. (There sure are a lot of 'em!) Other creatures of wit, talent, and distinction also live here. There is a small flock of sheep, a dodo (from England), about 6 puffins (which being cliff-dwelling birds, roost atop a tall bookcase), a wombat, and few other odds and ends here and there.
How, may you ask, did we all end up here? Well, as you know DG and WH (and TR of course) do a fair amount of travelling to interesting places. Because they are persons of quality, they often hang out where creatures of quality such as ourselves may be found. I was "discovered" working at a souvenir shop in Washington, D.C. - Natural History Museum to be exact. I wanted more excitement than I could get in my little burrow by the stream "Down Under," and I figured America's capital was where the action was. Turned out getting a job wasn't easy. Had trouble working for the feds since I was still an Australian citizen. D.C. was fun, but it can get pricey, and souvenir shop wages don't amount to much -- especially if you're the merchandise.
So when WH and DG came by and saw me, and commented to one another that I looked like "their kind of critter," and that they were in the market for a companion for their wombat, who was getting a little homesick, I immediately took them up on their offer to whisk me away to a life of ease and luxury (with an enormous number of penguins).
So here I am, and that's also how most of the rest of us got here. I'll have to introduce you to Rodney, the wombat, sometime soon. He's a little camera shy. Until next time, all the best!
-- Lanfranc the Platypus
11 January 2007
Commendation & Selections from Our Cellars
First, let me recognize the excellent work being done by good Mr. Squirrel, Supreme Arch-Prefect for Brewing Affairs & Inspector-in-Chief of Ales, most especially in showing initiative in recently extending his purview into rare whiskeys.
Whereas,
Our Good & Right Trusty MR. SQUIRREL
displayed most loyal and meritorious service to us,
we hereby create and proclaim him
ARCH-PROVOST OF SPIRITS,
with all the rights and responsibilities attached thereunto.
-- by Decree of The Hamster
Our Good & Right Trusty MR. SQUIRREL
displayed most loyal and meritorious service to us,
we hereby create and proclaim him
ARCH-PROVOST OF SPIRITS,
with all the rights and responsibilities attached thereunto.
-- by Decree of The Hamster
In the spirit of this august and auspicious occasion, I thought I might share some items DG has recently drawn from our cellars. (He's the drinker in the family; although Edmund the Dodo and Lanfranc the Platypus do imbibe from time to time -- but I digress.)
To continue where Mr. Squirrel left off... "Isle of Jura" single-malt scotch whiskey. Distilled since 1810 from pure spring water on the island of Jura, and the sole distillery on the island.
To continue where Mr. Squirrel left off... "Isle of Jura" single-malt scotch whiskey. Distilled since 1810 from pure spring water on the island of Jura, and the sole distillery on the island.
Staying in Britain and not far from the Scottish border, we present an offering from Nick Stafford's Hambletom Ales from north Yorkshire. "Toleration" is brewed from sugar, without any barley, rye, or wheat malt; it is rich in the flavor of cascade, liberty, and challenger hops. (Sounds like something Squirrel would like.)
Offering the best of both worlds of Blue Grass Brewing Company's "Jefferson's Reserve Bourbon Barrel Stout." This fine microbrew stout is aged in used oak barrels from award-winning Jefferson's Reserve bourbon for 90 days. Yummy!
Also in the Bourbon realm is the unique "Prichard's Double Barrelled." This bourbon is aged, blended, and then barrelled and aged again after blending to deliver an especially smooth taste. Paradoxically, this bourbon is produced in Tennessee -- if the governor of Kentucky sees this post, he'll likely revoke my driver's license.
09 January 2007
FLEE TO THE HILLS!!!
The end of the world is at hand. Florida beat UCLA in basketball and Ohio State in football... in the same year. The end is nigh! Doom! Ruination! The end of all we hold dear!!!
(Brits are exempted from comprehending the impact of this. No problem! I can't figure out what The Ashes is/are for the life of me.)
(Brits are exempted from comprehending the impact of this. No problem! I can't figure out what The Ashes is/are for the life of me.)
04 January 2007
Grouchy Grandmas
Now that we are a bit removed from Christmas and there has been some calming of nerves, I thought I might mention our own experience with unfortunate comments by grandmothers. (See Kel's blog: http://monkeydragon42.blogspot.com/ for gory details.) A few years ago, we were at the San Diego Zoo and had the great good fortune of adopting a baby California Condor, whom we named Fluffy.
I just love Fluffy and think he's just the cutest thing. Well, one day, DG's parents stopped by on their way north for the summer, and Fluffy was playing in the living room. DG's mother walked in and said: "Where did you get that homely thing from!" You can imagine how difficult it was to comfort poor little Fluffy. He was sensitive anyway, being endangered and all, and now grandma calls him homely. Of course, being young, Fluffy wanted to make it OK with grandma and kept on asking to go down with us when we'd go to Florida. Oh what to do? He started as a defense mechanism to lord it over the other birds because he was endangered and, therefore, "special." Penguins, as you may know. have very healthy egos, and there were a lot of complaints. (Oh the squawking!) At the same time, he started thinking that grandma would like him better if he weren't a condor. I knew this went too far when he asked to take swimming lessons. Too much time around penguins.
Happily, I was able to find a tutor for Fluffy, and he's now becoming much better adjusted.
He so admires his tutor, in fact, that he now wants to grow up to be an educator himself. His dream is to open a College of General Buzzardry at the world renowned Bob's University of Advanced Penguinity and Comparative Avian Studies.
--- and Woodchuck said it couldn't get weirder...
I just love Fluffy and think he's just the cutest thing. Well, one day, DG's parents stopped by on their way north for the summer, and Fluffy was playing in the living room. DG's mother walked in and said: "Where did you get that homely thing from!" You can imagine how difficult it was to comfort poor little Fluffy. He was sensitive anyway, being endangered and all, and now grandma calls him homely. Of course, being young, Fluffy wanted to make it OK with grandma and kept on asking to go down with us when we'd go to Florida. Oh what to do? He started as a defense mechanism to lord it over the other birds because he was endangered and, therefore, "special." Penguins, as you may know. have very healthy egos, and there were a lot of complaints. (Oh the squawking!) At the same time, he started thinking that grandma would like him better if he weren't a condor. I knew this went too far when he asked to take swimming lessons. Too much time around penguins.
Happily, I was able to find a tutor for Fluffy, and he's now becoming much better adjusted.
Bob Penguin, Dr. Peng., D. Litt.
Chancellor, Rector Magnificus, and Archdean
Bob's University of Advanced Penguinity and Comparative Avian Studies
Chancellor, Rector Magnificus, and Archdean
Bob's University of Advanced Penguinity and Comparative Avian Studies
--- and Woodchuck said it couldn't get weirder...
31 December 2006
Happy Hamster Holidays - part 3
The Legend of The Christmas Duck...
Whilst visiting lovely Winter Park, Fla, who should we run into about to have lunch at a fashionable bistro on Park Ave. than that icon of Slovak folklore, Christmas Duck, with his loyal and devoted companion, Mario.
For those of you unfamiliar with the legend, every year on Christmas Eve, The Christmas Duck rises out of the Sacred Lake at the shrine of Our Lady of Levocha and flies through the air around the world to bring oplatki (a thin wafer bread, like a communion wafer, used at Christmas meals) to all the Slovaks who have been good the past year, and have whole-life policies with the Zenska Jednota (First Catholic Slovak Ladies Association: http://www.fcsla.com/index.shtml). Since this is such a demanding task, CD rests up a bit before the big night. He and Mario have a nice condo on Sanibel, and the two were on Park Ave. to do some last-minute shopping.
We hung out in the park for a while, admiring some of the newly-installed sculptures:
Then went off to the beach:
You never know what celebrities you might meet when you travel to fashionable locales. Last time we were in Winter Park, we ran into Carrot-Top on the sidewalk. Woo-hoo!
Whilst visiting lovely Winter Park, Fla, who should we run into about to have lunch at a fashionable bistro on Park Ave. than that icon of Slovak folklore, Christmas Duck, with his loyal and devoted companion, Mario.
For those of you unfamiliar with the legend, every year on Christmas Eve, The Christmas Duck rises out of the Sacred Lake at the shrine of Our Lady of Levocha and flies through the air around the world to bring oplatki (a thin wafer bread, like a communion wafer, used at Christmas meals) to all the Slovaks who have been good the past year, and have whole-life policies with the Zenska Jednota (First Catholic Slovak Ladies Association: http://www.fcsla.com/index.shtml). Since this is such a demanding task, CD rests up a bit before the big night. He and Mario have a nice condo on Sanibel, and the two were on Park Ave. to do some last-minute shopping.
We hung out in the park for a while, admiring some of the newly-installed sculptures:
Then went off to the beach:
You never know what celebrities you might meet when you travel to fashionable locales. Last time we were in Winter Park, we ran into Carrot-Top on the sidewalk. Woo-hoo!
28 December 2006
Happy Hamster Holidays - part 2
We were off on a little jaunt, crossing the Indian River, when we saw this sport I had not witnessed before: kite-boarding, I believe. Having my new nifty little camera with me (we left the caviar dish at home) I wanted to try it out for dramatic shots. We hope you will enjoy...
27 December 2006
Happy Hamster Holidays - part 1
Greetings all! Your beloved despot and ruler of the cosmos is back from a little R&R in Florida. Time to fill you in on the sovereign, tyrannical goings-on. Let us begin with presents... Hamster just LOVES presents! Let it be known that he also gives as graciously as he receives. The rewards for devotion and loyalty to Our Most Rodentine Person can be sumptuous. DG received this:
It's a lovely little crystal caviar dish with mother-of-pearl spoon from Fabergé. After the fall of the Tsar, he was on the market, so we brought him to the Imperial Hamster Court. He does nice stuff, note the sturgeon engraved on the side. (But now I've got as house full of Easter eggs and I'm running out of closet space. Sheesh! Enough with the eggs already; how about a nice candy dish?)
The photos were taken with DG's gift to me, my first digital camera. (If you thought my posts were weird before...)
We did presents before leaving for Florida, so the next posts will be from the trip, wherein we will speak more of DG, as well as TR and the special guest we encountered whilst in the sunny climes. Stay tuned...
The photos were taken with DG's gift to me, my first digital camera. (If you thought my posts were weird before...)
We did presents before leaving for Florida, so the next posts will be from the trip, wherein we will speak more of DG, as well as TR and the special guest we encountered whilst in the sunny climes. Stay tuned...
16 December 2006
WARMTH & CHEER
A Despotic Christmas to all,
and to all a good night!
Have a Joyous and Blessed Holiday Season
(or else... this wish will be enforced by my tank-corps!)
-- by Decree of The Hamster
Have a Joyous and Blessed Holiday Season(or else... this wish will be enforced by my tank-corps!)
-- by Decree of The Hamster
11 December 2006
08 December 2006
07 December 2006
Christmas crowns!
In our realms, all the teachers dress up for Christmas Crown Day -- by my decree, of course.
30 November 2006
News from Bert!
I thought I'd check in on our London friends to make sure their silence was not an indication of having gone out for sushi recently. Happily all is well! Bert wanted me to let everyone know that he is fine and just plain busy. To wit:"I have a lot of paperwork and 5 year olds in my life. Less than 3 weeks to my coursework first deadline."
That explains it. Nothing much here - said the man whose daily commute consists of walking upstairs.
Despotic Cheers to All!
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