
Once again, the Americans are in political season, and the scurrilous, muddy mess is once again showing democracy for the false god it is. Hence the opportunity presents itself for me to say a few words about the benefits of Hamster Cosmic Government. First of all, it is tasteful and polite. Invoking one of my many role models, Louis XIV, elegance, gentility, and grandeur should be the hallmarks of any regime worth its proverbial salt. The ruled must look up to and be inspired by the ruler who, set apart, can bind the anarchic mob together with awe and majesty and give them what they cannot give themselves: La gloire. The people also want order, stability, and reason in their lives. This is not to be attained by setting forth on the stormy waters of partisan politics, believing in an ideal that sadly leads only to demagoguery. No. The rule of one benign domesticated rodent, who exalted above mere politics can, with reasoned and measured paw, look to the proper interests of all, rewarding the worthy, punishing the delinquent, meting out to all their due whether it be honor or chastisement, is clearly a superior form of government. The poet was most wise in saying: "Let there be one ruler, one king." It is this that we offer a disturbed world. Freed from the shackles of false ideology and the burdens of self-government, humanity may advance in peace and tranquility, with order and justice, under a rule that offers the best of all possible worlds. Submit to The Hamster, and be truly happy and free.