01 November 2006

The Elections: A Global Despot's Perspective

Once again, the Americans are in political season, and the scurrilous, muddy mess is once again showing democracy for the false god it is. Hence the opportunity presents itself for me to say a few words about the benefits of Hamster Cosmic Government. First of all, it is tasteful and polite. Invoking one of my many role models, Louis XIV, elegance, gentility, and grandeur should be the hallmarks of any regime worth its proverbial salt. The ruled must look up to and be inspired by the ruler who, set apart, can bind the anarchic mob together with awe and majesty and give them what they cannot give themselves: La gloire. The people also want order, stability, and reason in their lives. This is not to be attained by setting forth on the stormy waters of partisan politics, believing in an ideal that sadly leads only to demagoguery. No. The rule of one benign domesticated rodent, who exalted above mere politics can, with reasoned and measured paw, look to the proper interests of all, rewarding the worthy, punishing the delinquent, meting out to all their due whether it be honor or chastisement, is clearly a superior form of government. The poet was most wise in saying: "Let there be one ruler, one king." It is this that we offer a disturbed world. Freed from the shackles of false ideology and the burdens of self-government, humanity may advance in peace and tranquility, with order and justice, under a rule that offers the best of all possible worlds. Submit to The Hamster, and be truly happy and free.

8 comments:

  1. well, after listening to all the political ramblings the past few weeks - finally someone is making sense here:

    "one benign domesticated rodent . . . with reasoned and measured paw . . . rewarding the worthy, punishing the delinquent. . . clearly a superior form of government"

    Now pass some of Uncle Johnnie's anti-freeze . . .

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  2. I don't know... it doesn't sound half bad to me. But then again... maybe I need more coffee.

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  3. Hmmm... If this keeps up, I might be able to sieze power peacefully. Woodchuck, when you're up to it, tell the turtles we might not be needing them after all.

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  4. It is humbly that I hereby request official permission to use Your Highness's portrait to comandeer votes so that you may become the official winner for the Cats vs. Dogs poll. I would be honored to campaign on your behalf but would love to have a photo of said candidate to share with your loyal constituants.

    Please confirm or deny my request at the_kept_woman at yahoo dot com. I will not proceed without your written consent.

    Humbly Yours

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  5. Turtles are notified, however, can we still have them for lunch?

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  6. Yum, turtles and IPA....

    Better than milk and cookies.

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  7. OK, looking for that update on the elections and how it all affects your plans for global domination . . .

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  8. I'll pay you $15 to make me a poster of that picture for my classroom. That would so mess with young minds!

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