Because he'd likely appreciate it...

a photo by DG, looking down at the stairway in the Contemporary Arts Center in Cincinnati. One of the coolest buildings I've ever seen: http://www.contemporaryartscenter.org/aboutus/thebuilding.html

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SOMEONE!!!

Fun with Hamsters!

Thought I might post a couple of pics from last weekend's HamsterFest, so that you may better understand from what greatness I am spawned.

Here we have two hamster cousins welcoming traveling flightless fowl to the festivities. TR was most touched by the simple warmth and kindness of all the fine folk.

Here we have one of the great, beloved, and venerated hamster matriarchs, posing gleefully with her favorite nephew. In the background you see the vehicle used for the traditional "hayride," which involves tearing through wooded trails at breakneck speed with an ATV pulling a flimsy wagon. Rule #1: When someone yells "Duck!" take it seriously. Good times... Good times...

At nightfall, a large bonfire is built and all the hamsters sit around in a circle, reminiscing and talking about how great it is to be a hamster from Cleveland. Everyone ends up with a face that looks sunburnt. It's really quite the bonfire. Weenies and marshmallows are roasted, but most of them simply burst into flames and fall off or evaporate. Uncle Johnnie's anti-freeze throws off the visual acuity a bit. Oh yes, then comes the NIGHTTIME hayrides. We lose more cousins that way...

It's Soup!

Persons of delicate dispositions and those
who object to the eating of animals in general or
of reptiles in particular should not read this posting.

Last weekend, DG, TR and I went up to, believe it or not, AKRON* (how the heck did Sq know that?!?!?!) to a cousin's place for my extended family's annual turtle soup picnic. Now, I happen to come from a long and illustrious line of great white turtle hunters. No doubt this almost lost art strikes some as peculiar (especially with all the farm-raised turtles on the market these days) but my family takes it rather seriously -- or as seriously as my family takes anything. This event has been going on now for some 60 years or more and has now been taken over by my generation, as there are only three aunts and uncles left, and all of them are well into their 80's. Indeed, my next oldest brother has recently been bitten by the turtle-hunting bug -- and he just turned 60.

Of course, the reason why one could undertake this sport late in life, and the attraction of it to my uncles, etc. in the first place, is the nature of the hunt itself. If you think we're going to be thrashing around in Canadian swamps wrestling large-shelled reptiles, spouting fake Australian accents, and yelling "Crikey!" you've got another thing coming. Your average turtle expedition runs as follows.

Take large cooler of beer and get into boat. Go off to shallow part of lake; drink beer. Bait hooked line; drink beer. String line into water; drink beer (at this point, on an exceptionally cold day, a bourbon or Canadian chaser may be added to ward off the flu). Finish beer. Return to dock.

On the following day, take large cooler of beer and get into boat. Go off to shallow part of lake; drink beer. Pull up line and examine for turtles. Remove any caught. Celebrate catch with beer and , if the catch has been exceptionally good, a bourbon or Canadian chaser may be added to ward off the flu. Finish beer. Return to dock.

An alternative hunting method is to walk along the road and if one sees a turtle, stand on the turtle to prevent its escape and yell loudly, "Hey, I got one on the road; come help me!" Family members will then come rushing from the nearby cabin with a net, a cooler of beer, and, if it's a large turtle, a bottle of either bourbon or Canadian to ward off the flu.

This year was an exceptional picnic. Uncle Johnnie, the master soup-maker of the previous generation squared off against my cousin, who had his own recipe, and we had competing pots of soup. My brother actually provided Uncle Johnnie's turtle, which he discovered in a pond a short distance from his house. Being an avid sportsman, my brother always carries a net in his car and a cooler of beer. He seldom gets the flu and so doesn't bother with the whiskey. Since this is a public blog, I won't say whose soup l preferred. A great time was had by all, except for those, of course, who drank too much of Uncle Johnnie's home-made wine (see DG's comment on previous post; I warned him, I really did).

Photos from the event will be appearing on Travel Penguin shortly.


* For readers from northeastern Ohio, it is incumbent upon me to point out that my family and I are NOT from Akron. We are proper people from Cleveland. However, in recent years and thanks to urban sprawl, some members of the family have moved down into Summit County. Of course, for those of us who remember Akron as "the largest city in West Virginia," this move was at first somewhat distressing. With the influx of people from Cuyahoga County (and Asian businessmen there to buy up and manage what's left of the rubber and tire industry), the Akron area has become far more civilized and refined, and we have largely succeeded in smothering the indigenous culture so that one now barely knows notices any difference between the two regions.

Suspense!!!

As some may have noted, Woodchuck has some big news coming on Friday. We await with the proverbial bated breath... Speaking of bait, and not being one to shy away from a suspense duel, Your Humble and Tyrranical Hamster, DG, and TR will be having a little adventure this upcoming weekend which will be posted next week. I will give you only one hint:

That should keep you guessing...

For Squirrel

Oh please tell me you were expecting this one!

(For context, please see http://woodchuckwisdom.blogspot.com/ posting for Sunday, October 01, 2006, "Wild cow and Druish Deities," comment #12.)

Happy Birthday!

Our Minister of Travel, etc. and Chief Herring Inspector informs us that Tuesday, October 3rd is the birthday of a certain British-type person with a blog many of you know and love. Lest the momentous occasion pass without fitting commemoration, we present the luscious HamsterCake below to the person on question - with our best regards and wishes for man happy returns of the day! Have a most joyous birthday -- The Hamster Decrees It.

Nothing much...

goin' on here right now. I'll let you know when something happens.

le garage

How could I forget???

The Hamster Lair - part 2

Continuing with our tour...

There is one piece of furniture I do require: a nice, big, fluffy bed. I just love a nice, big, fluffy bed!Oh yes... Here's my desk in the ceremonial office. Like I said in a previous post, the decor's a little busy.

I wanted to make sure I put in some shots of the back yard for Kel.

The Penguin Pool, for visiting flightless fowl.
As you can see Squirrel, there's lots of trees. Wait a minute... what's that rustling out there on the lawn???

I might have known... Hey, put those down! Those are my nuts. No embezzling government property!Y'all come back now, hear!

Dust rag... Skittles... Don't Like Red???

You wouldn't want to make the cute, little, fuzzy hamster upset...

Quiet corner

Indeed, my friend, your wish is my command. I've put in a cozy little nook for you and Kel to sip a little wine -- and coffee in the AM, of course.

Promotions!

for context, see http://hopfodder.blogspot.com/ for 19 September

PROCLAMATION

***

Whereas our right good and trusty minion

MR. SQUIRREL

has shown himself devoted in our service and zealous in the cultural advancement of our subjects in teaching them to eschew cheap beer,
we appoint him

SUPREME ARCH-PREFECT FOR BREWING AFFAIRS
& INSPECTOR-IN-CHIEF OF ALES

-----

And whereas our right good and trusty minion

MR. WOODCHUCK

has likewise been of inestimable service to ourself and to civilization as a whole in first inspiring the aforementioned furry forest creature to take up this work of heroic service,
we appoint him

VICE ARCH-PREFECT FOR BREWING AFFAIRS
& DEPUTY CHIEF INSPECTOR OF ALES

***

by decree of THE HAMSTER

Gentlemen, stand up and take a bow!

Home Sweet Home

Since I am a hamster, many people assume I live in some sort of cage. Au contraire! A rodent in my position has to maintain a certain style. It simply will not do to have a global tyrant scuttering about in some déclassé Habitrail. So, for your aedification, some shots of the magnificent HamsterLair:

Unofficial visitors, e.g., subjects seeking favors, the conquered seeking mercy for their territory, etc. usually arrive here first, at the Lobby of the Suppliants. I put up some pretty pictures so they won't get bored while they wait.


















I usually receive petitioners in my working office. I don't think you can quite see my desk from here, but it's up there in front. The ceremonial office is a bit too elaborate for day-to-day business, so I prefer to use this one.


















The breakfast nook.

















My "personal space" or rumpus room. One advantage to being a hamster is that we don't have need of a lot of furniture. That really saves on overhead! I have exotic, aromatic shavings strewn over the floor fresh every day. Today it will be tulip-wood; one of my favorites. And with all this room, I don't need one of those tacky exercise wheels. Wheeee!!!

Invincible Desert Rodent Rangers...

searching the far reaches of the Hamster-realms to find something to say in an update. Stay tuned minions, subjects, and allies...

ATTN: Left-Coast Rodents

Since my old Pontiac was so well received, I thought I'd do another "long distance dedication" and send this one out to Woodchuck and Squirrel, recently posted on the ever-amusing Engrish.com. Enjoy...

For my brother, Ed

Allow me to step out of character for a moment and take a waddle down memory lane. One of my oldest memories is of a pea-green 50's vintage Pontiac my oldest brother owned when I was just knee-high to a Siberian Dwarf Hamster. (Come to think of it, where are their knees? Oh, never mind.) A week or so ago, as some of you know, DG and I were out to a classic car show and there we encountered a Pontiac very much like my brother's - except a lighter shade of green. So, for fun, here are the pix. Enjoy Ed! (By the way, the Indian's head on the hood ornament lit up.)

La Diplomatie

In response to cabinet requests for chocolates and wine (BTW, thanks for the hazelnuts Sq!), I have despatched instructions to our ambassador, Little Bob, to enter into negotiations with the French government. I have great hope of success as LB is most energetic. Here are pics of him with President Chirac at the annual Conférence des Ambassadeurs at the Elysée Palace on 28 August.

CONQUEST!

We are most pleased to announce that our empire is now reaching into the realm of cyberspace. Hamster Order will now be beneficently extended to the Internet! See explainingcomplaints.blogspot.com Rejoice my good people and fauna!

More Government Appointments!

We are pleased to announce the following appointments to the Hamster World Government.

Imperial Hamster Minister for Travel, Transportation, & Tourism and Chief Herring Inspector: Mr. T. Penguin




Ambassador to France: Mr. L. Bob Penguin





and... I AM BISHOP OF EAST ANGLIA!!!



By decree of the Hamster.

Government Appointments

As our world conquest is progressing, we are now able to begin to organize the Imperial Hamster Cosmic Government. We are pleased to announce appointment to the following offices:

Imperial Hamster Minister of Automotive Affairs: Mr. Woodchuck



His First Secretary and Deputy General, who also chairs the Imperial Hamster Nut Conservation Directorate: Mr. Squirrel



The Supreme Arbiter of the Sovereign Hamster Board of Literary, Dramatic, and Cinematic Taste and Review, as well as Imperial Hamster Minister of Mirth: Mr. Bert



And most importantly, we announce that we have created Ms. Kel Chuck Her Rodentine Serenity, Tyrantess of Guatemala, Viceroy of Manitoba and Alberta, Imperial Hamster Plenipotentiary for Botanical Affairs, Prefect of Food Health & Safety, and Supreme Mistress of Imperial Scheduling



Congratulations all!

-- By decree of the Hamster